and now for more inconsistencies!

I'll allow this photo blog and the photos to illustrate the way my head bounces from idea to idea.

Hair, make-up, and wardrobe by Lisa Caliendo.

Environment

I had to make a photo illustrating "environment", trying to think alternatively.  I had a hard time with this one since I immediately just go to our icky natural environment but this is what I came up with.  I could have probably thought up something more creative but right now this is all I have.  I get a little literal sometimes.  When it comes to the environment I like to do straight photography, not photo illustrations because they're not necessary.  But, in an attempt to expand my way of thinking here is my illustration of environment the way I see it.

If an explanation is needed (which I hate posting something that calls for one), it has to do with that feeling of not being safe from our environmental state indoors or outdoors.  Which is worse?

Illustrative

Topic: Violence

Sinister Minister

Make me new

A shot from the "rain" series with Terri.

Exit Music [for a film] or photoshoot

After setting the scene with the most sophisticated rain equipment known to man, and some radiohead...me and a strangely willing Amy produced these images that are EXACTLY what wain my head when I dreamt this up. I can't wait to do this with more people and get a portfolio going. The cold really worked to my advantage, all the skin texture and body heat making steam just....satisfies the creative part of my mind. I feel good. 3 minutes of shooting.

Safety

I'm working on a portfolio of my dreams. Here's one from the start. Eeek. It should improve as I keep going. I'm sort of thinking that my conceptual side should not exist. But I will at least give it a try. Insert embarrassment here. Gotta start somewhere right

Remember when we used to relax?

No, but I remember this beautiful place!!

Sometimes I feel like being a photographer is a step closer to becoming a masochist. Taking photos isn't relaxing, it's tense, I'm way too aware, "missing every shot" (even though I'm probably not), and the pleasure comes at the end when it's over and I put the camera down and breathe. Then I feel great about what you did (sometimes) and that's where the "relaxation" and pleasure are. I feel satisfied that I did something I love to do, and then go torture my mind again the next time and "relax" again when its over.

I will unquote the word "relax" once I learn the meaning of it.

The Woods

Dont worry. If something weird can be done, it will be done. If you build it, I will come. If it exists, I will find it. If it doesn't exist, I will make it.

Oh no I have to go to walmart.

The most dreaded place of all.

Heres my cologne shot. Done on the beach that is in my spare bedroom. And yes, the cologne does actually smell good and I'm not much of a cologne girl. Most of them make me sneeeeze.

Rambling.

Beverage

So fresh and so clean clean?

Round 2

Glass

I wasn't that impressed with myself for this assignment. However, my teacher was. This was shot in color, I just made everything in the scene black and white.

"lets make a movie, but bring your camera just in case"

Just in case something weird like this happens.

Just in case we spend an hour and 1/2 trying to get balloons to float chinese lanterns. Or just balloons to stick on the walls and cat.
I'm glad Dali faced her demons in the end, nipping the great devil - the balloon.

and the after party.

Resume pace

Back in action! I only have one class this semester that I'll be consistently shooting in. It's kind of disheartening but also a nice change. First assignment...light painting. FUN. Just set up your shot, and release the FLASH LIGHT.

I'm going to develop my film tonight. Maybe now. Ok now.

I scanned these at home on my PRO LESS THAN PERFECTION EPSON V200. Ignore the grain, lack of contrast and greyscale limitations. Ignore everything except for subject matter.

this IS a photo school diary

and its summer. The summer of Erin. Will post pics when I can get some models together. I forgot about the summer of film. I've been so distracted by all this free time to play that I've forgotten my cameras. Naughty.

Goodbye large format camera

I will miss our time together. Thanks for listening, I will miss the time I spent yelling at you for wobbling on the tripod...and yelling at you when I couldn't get anything in focus. And yelling at my dark cloth when the wind blew it off me. And yelling at the sun for moving. And yelling at my loupe for lying to me about the clarity in your ground glass.

But ultimately, I will miss you for the mere fact that I chose to shoot in a style I didn't understand so I could feel like I accomplished something and I think I did it. Even if I don't have a stunning portfolio from it. I was able to understand the movements and learn to be aware of things I didn't pay attention to at first. Is that learning? Did I actually learn something?

I will miss the time it takes to photograph something/someone/somewhere and the effort that has to be put into making a single image. The time I spend setting up and watching the sun move behind the clouds gave me time to think about why I was photographing my subjects.

Here's my favorite from the last batch. :( Maybe one day I can buy my own. Goodbye my 2nd love (second only to Eddie)

I'm going to have a film summer. I'm going to shoot with film and enjoy it. Give my digital a break with some pampering like lens & sensor cleaning. There's something about film. I can't forget that. It's cliche I know. But there's something different about my work that is not digital. I can see it myself, I don't know if anyone else can but that seems important to me. It seems like I should pursue it because of that.

Go back to your roots.

I just went through a bunch of photos I took before I knew how to take "technically correct" photographs. I used to have passion! Knowledge is the key to life and also death. I was making photos that meant something to me, even if technically they weren't even close to being right. Maybe I need to forget my educated, technically proficient side and just GO.

I think I might try to find some people and grab my film camera w/ my sturdy 50mm lens and shoot. Forget studio lights, reflectors, assistants, metering, trying to be perfect. There is no passion in perfection. At least not for me. I used to see shapes, lines, patterns of light. Now all I see is the "visual checklist", a mechanical means of producing images that are acceptable. I don't want to think that way, I don't want to be restricted to that and I am. I hate chains.

This summer will be liberating. I'm going to take advantage of the time and produce some work that is TOTALLY unrelated to school.

I wish I could paint or draw.

I got my first caricature!

I attended Jambando tonight at the Plaza Theatre (http://www.jambando.com) and Eddie and I had our first caricature EVER drawn by Maria Bolton (www.mariabolton.com) and its AMAZING. See for yourself, I look better in caricature world than real life. Haha

I'm doing my semester long documentary on her and her activities from art to animal rights and awareness, eco awareness etc.

I know I'm not supposed to participate in anything or accept gifts to be a professional documentary photographer but um...I'm weak and lets be honest about my doc work...I'm not going to make a career out of it. And lets be honest again and say who could turn it down?

I also became very aware of the similarities between her drawing caricatures and me taking photos of people. I'm always more of an observer than a participant so I ended up listening to the way she spoke to people (including me) to ease the discomfort that is in the first 20 seconds of the process. But what it made me realize is when I'm in the studio getting ready to shoot someone (with a camera) the tension that arises is not being in front of a camera but being in the vulnerable position of allowing someone studying you. Ordinarily we don't spend time with our friends or strangers staring at each-other and studying each others features. Or at least I don't.

What a funny cultural instinct though, to feel vulnerable because someone looks at you longer than a glance. I'm guilty of that feeling of vulnerability too though so I'm in no way pointing anyone out or passing judgment. I get weirded out when people stare at me and then I realize it's probably because I'm sprawled out on the floor somewhere with a big camera trying to get a good shot, or its because my zipper is down or I only put mascara on one eye. Just an observation I made. It just reminds me of animal instincts, that an animal staring at another is usually a sign of aggression or some kind of territorial thing. One becomes dominant, one submissive or they fight to figure it out. In this case you submit to the fear of being studied physically and the connection that arises from it, but you quickly realize its a place of total comfort and actually fun.

I remember Eduardo Rubiano giving us the advice to pursue things that we fear, because the fear is probably the recognition that it could be something you will fall in love with.

What am I talking about? Is this an antibiotic induced hallucination? Did I really just go from drawing to animal instincts?

I'm actually really sick. But I can't stop my life and responsibilities because of it. Can I? No.

Oh my toe

oh my toe. oh my god. writing oh my god with your left hand one level up from the right makes you write "oh my toe". i made myself laugh.

what i was saying....is oh my god, to live is to die (metallica) is the most beautiful song ever. I haven't listened to it in so long. music tells stories too.

but what it doesn't tell me is if i took an antacid from this bottle sitting in front of me. but if i was to trust this song, and my heartburn i would assume no i have not taken it yet.

i will go to bed when the song ends, til then, I WRITE...

see, i had metallica cd's and they all got scratched and worn from playing and replaying over my favorite parts of songs...so by the time i upgraded to having an ipod like a year ago i couldn't get any of the songs onto it without skipping. then i forgot about them? maybe i was afraid lars ulrich would come after me for downloading them on limewire?

Yeah, laugh away...I got my first hand me down ipod when i was 24. just like how i had a pager til i was 21 (I'm 25 now). my trend is to follow trends AFTER they're less trendy, less expensive and less coolness. Don't be jealous.

To live is to die: 4 minutes and 56 seconds in enters the most serene, beautiful sadness and desperation and transitions into a solo that begins to tell that story further, and then merges into anger and angst. Building up and climaxing, repeating, and surrendering at 8 minutes and 54 seconds.....slowly leave the scene and merge back into the sadness, submitting to the past; the beginning...and fade off the way you faded in.

Musical geniuses....even if they sue their fans.

Wooh. Music. Don't forget about music as an inspiration. I want to make photographs to the movement I feel in my heart when I hear this song.