Go back to your roots.

I just went through a bunch of photos I took before I knew how to take "technically correct" photographs. I used to have passion! Knowledge is the key to life and also death. I was making photos that meant something to me, even if technically they weren't even close to being right. Maybe I need to forget my educated, technically proficient side and just GO.

I think I might try to find some people and grab my film camera w/ my sturdy 50mm lens and shoot. Forget studio lights, reflectors, assistants, metering, trying to be perfect. There is no passion in perfection. At least not for me. I used to see shapes, lines, patterns of light. Now all I see is the "visual checklist", a mechanical means of producing images that are acceptable. I don't want to think that way, I don't want to be restricted to that and I am. I hate chains.

This summer will be liberating. I'm going to take advantage of the time and produce some work that is TOTALLY unrelated to school.

I wish I could paint or draw.

I got my first caricature!

I attended Jambando tonight at the Plaza Theatre (http://www.jambando.com) and Eddie and I had our first caricature EVER drawn by Maria Bolton (www.mariabolton.com) and its AMAZING. See for yourself, I look better in caricature world than real life. Haha

I'm doing my semester long documentary on her and her activities from art to animal rights and awareness, eco awareness etc.

I know I'm not supposed to participate in anything or accept gifts to be a professional documentary photographer but um...I'm weak and lets be honest about my doc work...I'm not going to make a career out of it. And lets be honest again and say who could turn it down?

I also became very aware of the similarities between her drawing caricatures and me taking photos of people. I'm always more of an observer than a participant so I ended up listening to the way she spoke to people (including me) to ease the discomfort that is in the first 20 seconds of the process. But what it made me realize is when I'm in the studio getting ready to shoot someone (with a camera) the tension that arises is not being in front of a camera but being in the vulnerable position of allowing someone studying you. Ordinarily we don't spend time with our friends or strangers staring at each-other and studying each others features. Or at least I don't.

What a funny cultural instinct though, to feel vulnerable because someone looks at you longer than a glance. I'm guilty of that feeling of vulnerability too though so I'm in no way pointing anyone out or passing judgment. I get weirded out when people stare at me and then I realize it's probably because I'm sprawled out on the floor somewhere with a big camera trying to get a good shot, or its because my zipper is down or I only put mascara on one eye. Just an observation I made. It just reminds me of animal instincts, that an animal staring at another is usually a sign of aggression or some kind of territorial thing. One becomes dominant, one submissive or they fight to figure it out. In this case you submit to the fear of being studied physically and the connection that arises from it, but you quickly realize its a place of total comfort and actually fun.

I remember Eduardo Rubiano giving us the advice to pursue things that we fear, because the fear is probably the recognition that it could be something you will fall in love with.

What am I talking about? Is this an antibiotic induced hallucination? Did I really just go from drawing to animal instincts?

I'm actually really sick. But I can't stop my life and responsibilities because of it. Can I? No.

Oh my toe

oh my toe. oh my god. writing oh my god with your left hand one level up from the right makes you write "oh my toe". i made myself laugh.

what i was saying....is oh my god, to live is to die (metallica) is the most beautiful song ever. I haven't listened to it in so long. music tells stories too.

but what it doesn't tell me is if i took an antacid from this bottle sitting in front of me. but if i was to trust this song, and my heartburn i would assume no i have not taken it yet.

i will go to bed when the song ends, til then, I WRITE...

see, i had metallica cd's and they all got scratched and worn from playing and replaying over my favorite parts of songs...so by the time i upgraded to having an ipod like a year ago i couldn't get any of the songs onto it without skipping. then i forgot about them? maybe i was afraid lars ulrich would come after me for downloading them on limewire?

Yeah, laugh away...I got my first hand me down ipod when i was 24. just like how i had a pager til i was 21 (I'm 25 now). my trend is to follow trends AFTER they're less trendy, less expensive and less coolness. Don't be jealous.

To live is to die: 4 minutes and 56 seconds in enters the most serene, beautiful sadness and desperation and transitions into a solo that begins to tell that story further, and then merges into anger and angst. Building up and climaxing, repeating, and surrendering at 8 minutes and 54 seconds.....slowly leave the scene and merge back into the sadness, submitting to the past; the beginning...and fade off the way you faded in.

Musical geniuses....even if they sue their fans.

Wooh. Music. Don't forget about music as an inspiration. I want to make photographs to the movement I feel in my heart when I hear this song.

I want to be reincarnated as a manatee.

I do. Really. So if reincarnation IS real, I hope to be a manatee.

I wanted to insert a picture of a manatee here, but I can't find my files...eek? They're gone :( So here's a puppy I met last year at Lake Eola, her name is Bella.

AND NOW....I RE-BRING TO YOU THE STILL IMAGE VIDEO OF NONSENSE THAT HAS A WHOPPING 206 HITS ON YOUTUBE. Am I famous? No...but this video just rocks.




Now I will blog regarding ASMP lecture, then blog on my thoughts and inspirations.

Boring but useful blogging: I attended the ASMP "I Need to Jumpstart My Business" lecture with Judy Herrmann last night. Good stuff! It was pretty inspirational. Instead of all the usual "gloom and doom" mumbo jumbo we hear at SOMEWHERE all the time, that the industry is dying and blablabla. No offense to those people, but you're BRINGIN ME DOWN!

Judy showed us success story after success story for still photographers who when faced with the "times" and had the decision to either go bankrupt, go video or change the way they did things, and they reinvented themselves into extremely successful photographers. Heck YEAH! Now, in "these times" they reinvented themselves and are successful. She also spoke on the importance of MIXING business and personal because as artists your work is personal, and making the right decisions to get to the place in life you want to be...and the steps to get there. So on and so forth. It was a great speech. I was scared to go because I was alone but I settled in once I got there and I'm very glad that I attended.

And what I took most from it was this quote that she said, that may be slightly off but nevertheless the point is the same: "It's impossible to create good work when you're working with a jerk", even once the job is over and its onto the next one the next day, that negativity will follow you and it will show in your work.

"We are more than photographers, we are visual communicators."
"Real good work is good without commentary"

Also, the advice to pursue whatever it is that you are passionate about because it shows in your images. She described feeling goosebumps when she sees work that she can tell the photographer was intimately involved in creating, emotionally, spiritually, whatever way you want to look at it. That is the work that I need to strive towards, and like she said, find your niche and then find a way to work it so you can make money off of it. She also strongly emphasized quality over quantity, and that she'd rather see fewer images that are amazing than a fuller portfolio with a few mediocre photos mixed in.

SUMMARY
1. Nurture your creativity
2. Nurture your relationships, stop just short of stalking. (it was a joke...but not really)
3. "When you lose your vision, take a look at what is and imagine what could be"
4. "It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you are not"

PERSONAL

I discovered over spring break, through my project on Maria Bolton (www.mariabolton.com), I can find great inspiration from artists that are not photographers, like her, but also from people who aren't even artists at all but have passion about something, be it health, yoga, biking, gardening, whatever. Being around people with passion FEEDS my creativity.

That happened to me at the "Green Drinks" event at Dandelion, my eyes became open to the community that is capable of giving me the inspiration I need to get through the hard times. All while discussing the Sunrail I had this serenity settle over me that I'm not alone as an artist, and shouldn't plan to work alone as one. What a group of amazing people. I've never felt more comfortable or accepted in my LIFE than I felt amongst them. I don't know if I've ever felt that at all. I'm not saying Dandelion is the only place that can happen but for artists, writers, designers, videographers and people who love tea (haha), but for me it was the first time I felt free to let my mind wander at ease with no fear of judgment. Good times.

I could keep going, but I gotta stop. This blog is way too long

in class

shoot me.

Face yourself, then face the world.

Quote I made up for myself. It's probably already been said. Today is one of those days that my itunes is playing songs for my mood.

"Art is the fatal net which catches these strange moments...."

Here are two from the last batch. I'm disappointed in them, but whatever, what can I do? The scanners at school are not being friendly lately, grainy, loss of detail, muted colors. It's like the symptoms of scanner depression. So I had to edit them a bit (give them their Photoshop medication) and ....there it is! There may be a second rendition of each, I may have gone a bit too far. Or maybe I should go even farther. WAYYYYYYYY father. Into oblivion. I am not going to sleep well tonight.




I keep finding quotes from these geniuses, I want them posted all throughout my house, covering the walls. Like madness. Here are my newest favorites. A few more below.

+ To become truly immortal, a work of art must escape all human limits: logic and common sense will only interfere. But once these barriers are broken, it will enter the realms of childhood visions and dreams. - Giorgio de Chirico

+ Art is the fatal net which catches these strange moments on the wing like mysterious butterflies, fleeing the innocence and distraction of common men. - Giorgio de Chirico